An Honest Reflection

It’s been a little over two years since I started this Substack. Two years and only eight articles to show for it… nearly half of which come from my previous blog site; in my brain, that seems like a sorry showing. And I can offer all kinds of justifications for this lack of content. But if I’m being truly honest with myself, that’s mostly just an excuse.

The truth is a two-fold matter. The first is that I lack discipline. Finding the time to write at least a little bit every day is not hard for me. I work part-time. I do not have children to demand my attention. My house does not take long to clean, and my social engagements are minimal. Above all, my husband is supportive and encouraging in my endeavors. But yet, I will not set aside the time to write. That is one hundred percent a “me” problem. Thankfully, it is an easy fix, and as I develop discipline in other areas of my life, I plan to start making time to write a part of my routine.

The second truth I have had to face is that I have allowed my pride and fear of failure to keep me from pursuing something I enjoy. I’ve had to confront this most recently because my dad has been encouraging me to write regularly over the last month or so. My dad is very good at holding me accountable, and when we talked last, I finally admitted that I didn’t think I had the ability to write for an audience. This admission prompted him to strongly encourage me to write anyway because, in my refusal, I may be robbing others of a blessing from God. This concept is not foreign to me. But to hear it from someone who means so much to me is a strong medicine agianst the fears that have long held me. And it is similar to the exhortation in my favorite prayer book, Every Moment Holy.

“Indeed Christian, take heart in this revelation! The outcomes of your labors were never in your hands, but in God’s. You have but one task: to be faithful. The success of your endevors is not yours to judge. He works in ways that you cannot comprehend. And in His economy, there will be no waste. Even what you judge as a failure, God will tool to greater purpose.” (A Liturgy for Those Fearing Failure)

I know this truth, but I need to believe it. Now more than ever, I need to remind myself that my one task in life is to be faithful and steward the gifts that God has granted me well. Not doing so would be a true waste.

So, this year, I'm setting out again to write consistently. May God use every word for His glory.